Restoring Integrity in 4 steps Makes Your Entire Life Work-out.
This is all about restoring our integrity. We have a word. In the beginning, there was the word. But even before the word, there was the receiving of the information that we were about to speak. Life is not about keeping a promise or being on time. That is petty shit. It is about honoring your word as yourself. When you break your promise or don’t follow through with something you said you were going to do, how do you feel towards them? How do you feel toward yourself? There are 4 easy steps you can do that shift you into respect for yourself and your relationships. Try these next time you are inclined to say ‘sorry.’
First, acknowledge what the original agreement was. It could be practical, like, “we said we would all arrive at 9 am.” It could also be assumed, like “when we entered our partnership, it was under the assumption neither of us would be engaging in a sexual or romantic way with other people.”
Next, say what happened instead. In a sentence, so far, it sounds like “I said I would be here at 9 am and now it is 9:15.” You might be wondering why this distinction of saying what was agreed and what happened is more powerful than rushing in, and saying sorry…Saying sorry is a bit of a distraction that has the ability to disarm someone, and it does not indicate that any inner work been done around it. We want to empower them and ourselves. To slow down the moment and truly acknowledging the broken promise in the most simple terms requires us to create a safe space within ourselves, letting our mask of victimhood fall away and demands ownership.
In the next phase of restoration of our integrity, we must speak and listen to the impact so we can receive real-time feedback on our behavior. This is meant to be constructive, and to give the other person a chance to ‘get complete’ about this broken promise. Remember, if verbal abuse is present, the contract between you two is nil and void, and you can leave the situation immediately with no reason given. So it sounds something like “I realize you had to prepare my portion of the presentation without me, and make the excuse for why I was late. It made you look bad and reflected poorly upon our company and you. I know this may make you unsure if I will arrive late next week for the final meeting. Is there any other impact my lateness had that you could share with me so I can own the burden of it and it doesn’t fall solely on you?”
At this point, we give them our word that the next time we make a promise, we will be good for it. I find this step extremely powerful, as, if the promises keep getting broken and restored, the step of recommitting to your promises gets old, fast. We must keep restoring our integrity with ourselves otherwise people can expect the same behavior, the same acknowledgment of the impact, and they will be bracing themselves for the next time you do the same. We must align ourselves with our “word as self” so they know you will make good on our future promises.
In conclusion, to restore your integrity, you will say something like “Hey, I know I messed up, I said I would be here at 9 am and I was 15 minutes late. The chances of you trusting me in the future are impacted, and I am aware you had to tell the clients an excuse. This made us all look bad. Is there any other impact my lateness had on our meeting or on you? I need to you know that the next time I say I will do something, I will do it. I am good on my word and you can count on me in the future.”
If you enjoyed this straight-talk about being our word and can see how this could empower your relationships, (or if you now see why someone’s apology didn’t have the effect they were hoping,) please comment your thoughts below. To book a session to create buoyancy in your soul again and clear unwanted guilt, shame or anger around a broken promise in your life, contact Kate for a session.
805-637-1077 | Productionkate@gmail.com | www.kategoldempowerment.com